This was sent to me by my brother. I do not in any way take responsibility or claim writing any of it. I am sure this has been passed around on the internet since the internet was conceived as a bunch of tubes. Thats a bad attempt at humor BTW.

All credits to (unknown) original author. Additions made by several others , and by myself

How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot using:

Ada
After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the
gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you
try, however, you discover you can’t because your foot is of the wrong
type.

APL
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to
do it in fewer characters.

Access
You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your
Borland distribution diskettes instead.

ActiveX

Ole_Registration_Error: Cannot find object “ActiveFoot”,download the latest drivers.

Assembler
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first
invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

Basic(interpreted)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your foot is
waterlogged and rots off.

Basic(compiled)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher.

Visual Basic
You’ll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you’ll
have had so much fun doing it that you won’t care.

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all
in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible since you
can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at
others and saying, “That’s me over there.”

Cobol
USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON
HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PERFORM.SQUEEZE RETURN HANDGUN.COLT(45) TO
HIP.HOLSTER.

Concurrent Euclid
You shoot yourself in somebody else’s foot.

dBase
You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are
promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next
version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to actually shoot
bullets.

Delphi
MyFoot := TFoot.Create( Self );
Gun := TGun.Create( .45, SOFT_NOSED_BULLETS, 6 );
Gun.Aim( Self.MyFoot);
while Gun.BulletsAvailable do
Gun.Shoot( Self.MyFoot );

FORTH
Foot in yourself shoot.

FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes,
then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets,
you continue anyway because you have no exception handling ability.

HTML
<a target=”http://body/lower-half/leg/foot.appendage”>Shoot here</a>

HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of the gun into the foot left of leg of you. Answer
the result.

Java
The gun fires just fine, but your foot can’t figure out what the bullets
are and ignores them.

LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds…

Microsoft
>ActiveX Object “Foot” not found.
>”Foot” will possibly be included in the next release.
>You can upgrade for $500.
>Press OK to Retry or Esc to cancel.

Modula2
After realizing that you can’t actually accomplish anything in this
language, you shoot yourself in the head.

Motif
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory,
the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the
gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

NeXT
We don’t sell guns anymore, just ammunition.

Paradox
Not only can you shoot yourself in your foot, your users can, too.

Pascal
The compiler won’t let you shoot yourself in the foot.

Perl
1. You go to CPAN and download Geek, Body::Foot, Gadgets:Gun and
Accesories::Bullet modules.
2. Then:
#!/usr/bin/perl -w
use strict;
use Geek;
use Body::Foot;
use Gadgets::Gun;
use Accesories::Bullet;

my $me = Geek->getBorn($ENV{‘USER’});
my $foot = $me->{parts}->{feet}->[0];
die “No feet (maybe both were cut off?), stopped”
unless defined $foot;
my $gun = ($me->{money} >= Gadgets:Gun::price ? Gadgets:Gun->buy() : Gadgets:Gun->steal);
my @bullets = map { Accesories::Bullet->new() } (0..5);

$gun->load(\@bullets);
while ($gun->{bullets})
{
$gun->shoot($foot);
last if $foot->shot();
}
print “Looser!\n” unless $foot->shot();

PL/1
After consuming all system resources including bullets, the data
processing department doubles its size, acquires 2 new mainframes and
drops the original on your foot.

Prolog
You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program
figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn’t permit it to explain it
to you.

PHP

After loading the gun you notice your foot is missing after some noob PHP programmer forgot to validate his input and now some cross site scripting has inflitrated and stole all your bullets.

Smalltalk, Actor, et al
After playing with the graphics for 3 weeks, the programming manager
shoots you in the head.

SNOBOL
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot
yourself in the right foot.

Sun
Just as soon as Solaris gets here, you can shoot yourself anywhere you
want.

Unix
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm: .o: No such file or directory
% ls
%

XBase
Shooting yourself is no problem. If you want to shoot yourself in the
foot, you’ll have to use Clipper.

Windows95
>shoot self in foot
I don’t see any self here.

>shoot me in foot
There is no you in the foot.

>shoot foot
I don’t know which foot you’re talking about.

>shoot left foot
You don’t have the gun.

>get gun
You take the gun.
You’re lantern just went out.
* * * YOU HAVE DIED * * *
Press OK to confirm.